Nikki Glaser, the acclaimed comedian and host, recently shared a selection of cutting-room floor jokes from her 2026 Golden Globes monologue. Known for her sharp wit and celebrity roasts, Glaser has a knack for pushing boundaries, and this year was no exception. During an appearance on The Howard Stern Show on Sirius XM, she revealed the brutal jabs that didn’t make it to the final performance, providing insight into her comedic process and the challenges of crafting the perfect monologue.
Glaser’s opening remarks at the Golden Globes were laced with her signature humor, particularly aimed at high-profile figures in Hollywood. Among the jokes she cut was a quip about Sydney Sweeney and her film’s disappointing box office performance. Glaser remarked, “Tonight is a night of celebration, but we can’t ignore that it’s a weird time in Hollywood. If you don’t believe me, there was a movie this year where Sydney Sweeney played a lesbian who just bounced around in tiny shorts for two hours and it made USD $14.” This joke referred to Sweeney’s film, which grossed only USD $1.3 million in its opening weekend, according to Forbes.
Another notable cut involved a commentary on AI-generated actress Tilly Norwood. Glaser stated, “You know, everyone’s concerned about AI. Tilly Norwood is the first star to be completely generated by AI and somehow has still been sexually assaulted by three different studio execs.” This joke pointed to ongoing discussions about the implications of AI in the entertainment industry and the challenges faced by its female counterparts.
Glaser also had a series of jabs aimed at actor Sean Penn, including one that poked fun at his physical appearance. She expressed reluctance to use these jokes, stating she didn’t want to upset Penn, instead complimenting him for “slowly morphing into a sexy leather handbag.” Another joke about Leonardo DiCaprio made light of his dating choices, with Glaser quipping, “Leo, why are you always squinting? I mean, I assume it’s to read your girlfriend’s ID. Just making sure that the year starts with a two.”
The comedian’s monologue included clever references to other stars as well. Regarding Amy Poehler, she joked, “Amy Poehler is here for her podcast, Good Hang, which is what Timothée Chalamet says after sex.” Glaser also aimed at Julia Roberts regarding her nomination for “After The Hunt,” saying, “I don’t know what it’s about but I’m assuming the hunt was to find someone who’s seen it.”
Additionally, Glaser touched on the topic of Jonathan Bailey, the first openly gay man to be named PEOPLE Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive. She humorously questioned the need to specify “openly,” reflecting on the list of past winners.
Glaser’s commentary on Jeff Goldblum was equally cheeky. She joked, “Jeff Goldblum is here tonight. Not because he’s nominated, just because they were shooting an ad for Apartments.com down the street and he just kind of wandered in.”
The comedian also had a sharp observation about Brad Pitt, who was nominated for his role as a race car driver in “F1.” She noted, “When a man turns 60, he gets to play a race car driver. Meanwhile, after 35, every role for a woman is tired mom who hates her life.”
Reflecting on her treasure trove of cut jokes, dubbed the “Stern File,” Glaser acknowledged the difficulty in letting go of certain lines. She emphasized that while the process can be painful, it’s important to recognize that not every joke is meant for the public. “There’s been times where jokes have really hurt people’s feelings or I’ve gone too far, and I feel like I am always okay with losing stuff now,” she explained. “You just don’t get everything you want, and you just have to move on and let’s just write a better joke.”
While many of her jokes may have been left on the cutting room floor, Glaser’s 2026 Golden Globes monologue still delivered memorable moments and sharp commentary, leaving audiences entertained and eagerly anticipating what she will share next.
